… And a couple of metal toothpicks (alright two pop rivets if you may) and you can start up any truck in the factory for a short drive. In fact now that I think about it, you really don’t even need a screw-driver, you may as well use a strip of metal, 2-inch nails or anything remotely resembling a key.
A good colleague of mine showed me how it is done. You just twiddle around with the two pop rivets at the fuse-box whilst simultaneously sticking something metallic in the ignition switch – and hey presto, you’re up and ready to roll!
There’s a second method but it involves more than just a little agility on your part. Can you fit in completely in a 4-by-4 cardboard carton? If yes, maybe you could just get under the dashboard cluster behind the steering wheel shroud and short the terminals at the ignition switch. A smarter way is to get the hood in the front opened and reach your hand across the radiator and do what has just been described. Opening the hood isn’t easy, the bloody thing is the heaviest piece of steel I’ve ever come across for use as a bonnet. Car bonnets are feather compared to these.
GRAND THEFT LORRY WARNING: Don’t Rob Lorries. Even if you do wish to get rid of them later, you won’t be able to. I do believe there are better getaway options. Moreover, you can’t hide the confounded things especially after they’ve been painted with all the colours in the spectrum (I really can’t understand how they can paint a lorry blue with yellow and orange flowers!!)
And cars feel different now. They are too close to the ground. I’ve been in every kind of truck that is made in the factory and now I get a fair idea of blind distance in-front of the truck. I see everything from a height of at least 5.5 feet from the ground and last evening when I got a ride back home in a Ford Ikon that belonged to a colleague, it felt weird – like we’d slide right under a damn lorry and why is the road so close to me? And why am I not able to hear the underbody rubbing against the highway tarmac? Why does it feel so light?
Today, I was in road test with a good driver. He performed what is called by most Need For Speed enthusiasts, a ‘drift’ on a standard bend at 70 km/h. In a truck, this feels like it will tip over but the tyres at the rear just slide laterally and transfer a whole lot of momentum to the left (in my case) against its natural movement that bears it onward in space. The driver then has this race-driving passion, he floors the pedal until you hear the engine hiss (or maybe it’s the Turbocharger) and the truck takes off on a long straight stretch at over 90 km/h. He tests the brakes right at the end. This vehicle wasn’t equiped with ABS (for those less familiar – Anti-lock Braking System) so the wheels at the rear simply lock up and leave skid marks. It was important that the man at the wheel held the steering firmly. What a ride! If only I was authorized to let you come by and experience the road test, you’d have loved it. You’ll never feel the same about a roller coaster ever. You might fall asleep in it. The Ford Ikon can go eat cake.
Presented here is casual conversation between five people including yours truly (who remained tight-lipped most of the while). For reasons I think obvious, I shall not mention names (its for my own good). They are quite simply A, B, C & D. You really needn’t know who’s who.
A: This dal today is so watery! It requires no chewing.
B: No wonder we’re all putting on so much weight. We are not chewing the food thoroughly enough.
A: Really? Is it true that I can lose weight just by chewing well? C?
C: It is possible, I do recall reading something about it in the papers. But I mostly feel its the Typhoid I had contracted last year. I lost nearly 5 kilos!
B: My cousin lost twelve kilograms after being diagnosed with some sort of a protein deficiency. He’s totally changed. I’ve lost 3 kilos since I started this fruit-breakfast diet.
A: 12 kilos! My God! That kind of thing is what I need.
B: I feel I need to lose at least 5 more kilos to keep fit. I think it’s the rice that stops me from losing any more weight.
D: Yeah! I lost some weight to disease too but not to the extent that some of you have. I had gastro-entiritis, the illness made me lighter by about 4 kilograms. Yes, this dal is quite smooth eh? (blinking at me).
ME: (in thought bubble) What a bunch of losers I’m lunching with today.
I know what you’re thinking – there should have been an ‘e’ rather than a ‘y’ in the title of this post. But that little assumption is something you’ve made from your a priori experience that when the good day of the week is preceded by names normally relating to flavors and flavoring agents, one must substitute the ‘y’ for an ‘e’ and make it cold and sweet. Well, at this point I find it needless but I’ll say it anyway that you’ve got the whole damn thing all wrong. You see, August 30 really was a Sunday and a very deliciously chocolaty one too.
After a few hours of shopping with a dear friend of mine, I got back home in the evening feeling quite exhausted. I gathered up enough will to walk down to a supermarket nearby for a quick bite, only to find myself indulging in chocolaty items only. My eyes simply ignored anything that wasn’t chocolate. So after an absolutely mouthwatering and refreshing chocolate pastry with chocolate flakes and icing, a drink of chocolate flavoured milk and a small chocolate candy that came instead of loose change, I picked up Cadbury’s® Five-Star Fruit & Nut® chocolate bar (hereafter mentioned simply as CFSFN).
CFSFN is the best chocolate item I have had in a long time. For those abstaining from sugar, it is potentially lethal but I am happy I am not one of those (there is a God, trust me). It takes a regular person like moi just three minutes to consume it whilst feeling the juices from the raisins, caramel and the chocolate mixing up homogeneously and flowing smoothly down the oesophagus; and the juices way below in the gut eagerly wait to welcome this freshness to bathe and rejoice in its splendor.
During those wonderful three minutes, it is very easy to forget that the goings on around you are not reality. So fellow inhabitants of this blessed land that harbors oodles of this CFSFN, go forth and taste it, albeit just once and you’ll probably want more and more until you can eat no more; then you can recommend it to others the way I’ve just done. Amen!
IMPORTANT NOTE: There is also Cadbury’s® Bournville which is great for dark chocolate lovers (I mean, the chocolate is dark). That is more…well…uhm.. sugar-free.
